Trauma is any event or circumstance that results in physical, emotional, or life-threatening harm.
Emotional abuse is relational trauma.
Voice notes, emails, and text messages don’t leave purple marks that can be covered up with makeup or disguised with sunglasses. But when you are in a power-under relationship with a family member, friend, or co-worker, episodes of emotional violence can leave you trembling, hyper-vigilant, rattled, and afraid, just like a physical attack.
The damage may be hidden, but the trauma is real. There may not be eyewitnesses, video footage that would stand up in court, or a single, identifiable incident of acute threat, but ongoing psychological maltreatment is a legitimate cause of complex post-traumatic stress disorder that can leave deep scars.
Single-Incident/Acute Trauma:
Violent or sexual assault
Life-threatening illness or serious injury
The traumatic loss of a loved one or someone close to you
Witnessing violence
Crime or Accidents
Natural disasters
Childbirth
Suicide attempt
Complex/Recurring Trauma:
Childhood abuse
Domestic violence
Neglect
Abandonment/betrayal
Bullying/harassment
Emotional, physical, verbal, or sexual abuse
Overly strict upbringing
Generational trauma
Racism and discrimination
Ecological trauma
Did you know?… A threat to our sense of belonging lights up the same parts of our brain (secondary somatosensory cortex; dorsal posterior insula) as an experience of physical pain on a functional MRI scan.
The design of our brain’s survival mechanisms are based in our early evolution as a social species. We are designed to co-regulate, feel each other’s emotions, care for each other, and to be in relationship with other humans. This is why exile and isolation are the most severe forms of punishment we know, and why both relational trauma and physical injury are perceived by our nervous system as significant threats to our survival.
Symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress: Complex Trauma
Complex trauma, or ongoing incidents of relational wounding can make a person feel very anxious, and it can be hard to regulate their emotions. They may struggle to maintain healthy relationships, or they may have a distorted sense of self. After a person experiences events that leave them repeatedly feeling unsafe, scared, or helpless, they may display some or all of the following symptoms of post-traumatic stress:
Flashbacks
Intrusive thoughts
Memory lapses/difficulty concentrating
Constantly being “on alert”
Dissociation/numbing/substance abuse
Mood swings/confusion
Anger
Anxiety and depression
Withdrawing or isolation
Trouble sleeping or having nightmares
Difficulty in interpersonal relationships
Low self-esteem
Fatigue
Negative self-perception
Headaches
Upset stomach
Chronic illness
Shame
Attachment wounds leave deep scars.
The lack of secure attachment in a child’s early years has been linked to a large number of mental illnesses, unhealthy coping strategies, and addictive behaviors. When children experience neglect, abandonment, or a primary caregiver who is chronically unavailable or dysregulated, this form of exile creates a core wound to our sense of belonging in the world. Even intra-uterine and generational trauma can stay with us into adulthood, causing us to experience chronic anxiety, depression, and a lack of connection.
When we bring care and attention to our childhood wounding, we can start to recognize the patterns and strategies that were once essential for getting our needs met, but are no longer serving us. With that information, we can start to offer ourselves the love and care we didn’t get to receive when we were young, and transform our relationship to belonging in the world.
